


Start Again

by hpboo9



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: Depression, F/F, Femslash, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2014-11-10
Packaged: 2018-02-24 21:58:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2597879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpboo9/pseuds/hpboo9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The song "Start Again" by Ryan Dolan is referenced. This story has some triggers in it so please be wary of them. It talks about and describes suicide a little bit. I don't want to be the reason for anything bad. I don't own the show, the characters or anything but this story from my own twisted mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Start Again

“‘Because I can live a lifetime living this life or start again….”  
“Start Again” by Ryan Dolan

For so long, I was fine with my life. Then that girl, that beautiful, horrible girl, Emily decides to out herself and my world tumbles down around itself. I started having feelings for her. Feelings she returned until she became aware that I didn't want to be public with her. She dumped me for being afraid. It wouldn't have been as easy for me to come out as it was for her. My father would have disowned me. I don't have friends like her. I have friends of convenience, not because we actually like each other. Now I have nothing without her but I know she won't come back to me. She’s with her first love, Maya.  
It would be better if there was a way to just leave your life, your personality. If you could walk away with no lasting effects so you can deal with yourself without worrying about other people. If as soon as you were done with this life, the one you are living, you could just leave, start again. If only I wasn't so scared of death. I want to be happy, to be loved for being me. I know I won't get that here.  
There’s no reason to stick around. The girl I love, loves someone else. I have no friends. My family doesn't love me. My father would have no problems without his troublesome daughter to cloud his reputation. My mother has so many other things to worry about besides me. Maybe it would be better for everyone if I just died.  
I’m going to do it. I am. I’m going to swallow these pills while my family is away to church. I used the excuse of cramps not to go with them. But I don’t have long to procrastinate if I’m going to do this.  
They hurt going down. There was so many. I laid down in a lawn chair by the pool as I took them I left a note saying I was sorry but no one needed me and no one loved me. I told her I loved her one last time and now it’s getting dark.  
I can hear someone calling, calling me away. I feel so weightless and free, like I can fly. Maybe everything will be better now. I am free… and I am flying away to start over, to start again in a lifetime where I am happy and I am who I am.


End file.
